Will the State Department Stop Discriminating Against My Family?

I’m Allison Blixt, an American citizen born and raised in the U.S. My wife and I have two sons, yet only one of them has been recognized by the U.S. government as having U.S. citizenship.

Fifteen years ago, this week, I met my wife Stefania Zaccari when she was visiting New York City from Rome. We knew early on in our relationship that we wanted to build a life together. At the time, we couldn’t live in New York because the Defense of Marriage Act prevented me from sponsoring Stefania for a green card, so I left everything behind and we relocated to London.

We got married in 2009. In 2015, we welcomed our first son, Lucas, who Stefania carried. The U.K. government listed us both as birth parents. We were delighted to become mothers. A few weeks after his birth, we bundled Lucas up to visit the U.S. Embassy to apply for his Consular Report of Birth Abroad and his passport. I wanted to make sure our child had all the rights and privileges that come with being an American citizen.

I was certain he would be recognized as American, but when we met with the clerk, she barraged us with questions. Who carried Lucas? Whose eggs were used? Whose sperm? Where was the donor from? We were shocked.

Children born abroad to a married U.S. citizen are U.S. citizens from birth. Why were we being asked invasive questions? We sat impatiently as different-sex couples and their babies went through a straightforward process without the same invasive questioning. After a while, the clerk called us back and stated that because I wasn’t Lucas’s genetic or gestational mother, the State Department would not consider him a U.S. citizen from birth.

In fact, the State Department’s policy deems my marriage to Stefania invalid, despite Supreme Court rulings that this is unconstitutional. It treats Lucas as born “out of wedlock,” and Stefania as a single mom. Because I didn’t carry him, they treat me as not his parent at all. This mistreatment is devastating to our dignity as a family and my pride as a U.S. citizen. It brings back all of the feelings of sadness, frustration, and disappointment in my country that I felt years ago when we had to relocate to be together.

This was not the case with our son Massi, who I carried. His citizenship was acknowledged based on all of the same documents we had filed for his brother. We tried once more to get a passport for Lucas, but again they denied him. This is illegal discrimination against same-sex couples and families, plain and simple. For our family to move to New Jersey in late 2019, I had to sponsor both Stefania and Lucas for green cards. Luckily, I could afford this, and we could move. But that never should have been necessary for my son.

Some might say the harm of having to navigate a bureaucratic process to stay together or move to another country is no big deal. That it’s no affornt to human rights if one child has a green card and the other a passport. I’m so thankful we were able to find a way to keep our family together despite this illegal policy, but I know many families will be separated. Also, you try telling your child his government sees him as “less than” and doesn’t see me as his mom at all.

We’ve met many other same-sex couples who have gone through the same pain we have.  Some, like us, have fought the policy in court. In 2018, we filed a case against the State Department for recognition of our son as a U.S. citizen from birth—and to change the policy for all LGBTQ families. Every federal judge who has heard from a family like ours has recognized the child as a U.S. citizen from birth.  Unfortunately, the policy remains, and Lucas has not been recognized as American. The State Department continues to deny our rights and those of families like ours.

Ours is the first case about this policy to move forward under the Biden administration, and we’re hoping the government will finally act differently. On this International Women’s Day, I call on the State Department to acknowledge that both Stefania and I are, in love and in law, equally Lucas’s moms. 

Same-sex couples and their families deserve equal treatment. The government must right the wrongs it has perpetuated for so long. This is the moment for the State Department to recognize marriage equality and support my family’s dignity.